INQURY: GOING PUBLIC

10/17/2018

Today we had our second to last gymnastic lesson and stated working on our gymnastics skills check list. It was great to see students pushing themselves to complete some of the more challenging skills. After music, in math we continued practicing finding the GCF and LCM of two numbers. In the afternoon we did our final preparations for the last phase of Inquiry: Going Public. Knowledge building circles joined together to share their Learning in the form of an inquiry story. It was an amazing afternoon of learning from each other!

**Home Reading Cancelled Tonight. Use the extra 30 minutes to revise your PAR paragraph **

1) Homework and Reminders:

Math: Finish the GCF/LCM handout
50 Word Review Test Tomorrow!!

2) Post a response:

Write another paragraph for you Alphabiography!
Provide Some feedback to help another student improve their writing
Edit/revise based on the feed back you receive
CAPITALIZE ALL CHANGES YOU MAKE WHEN YOU REVISE!

Make sure your feedback is focused on the criteria for powerful personal writing*

SEE Below

Examples:

Try breaking your writing into paragraphs.
Can you add some words to describe...
Try starting you sentences with some different transition words.
What could you do to catch the readers attention in the beginning?
There are several grammar mistakes near the end. Can you find them?
Don't forget to capitalize proper nouns.
Can you add more detail to...
I think you need to add commas to your list.

Nathan

10/17/2018 04:43:45 pm

first

Nathan

10/17/2018 04:49:01 pm

Hot Dog

One of the most delicious meals to ever eat is a hot dog. Hot dogs come with a wiener and two hot dog bun. There are many types of wieners such as beef, turkey and chicken. There are also juicy mouthwatering toppings that go on it. You can really put anything on it. When you order you're hot dog you think about and when you see the workers put it together your mouth waters so much and you can't control it. The smell is so good you want them to make a hot dog perfume. The smell of the grilling of the food is so good. When you get your hot dog you can't even use any words to describe it it's so astonishing, and when you take a bite holy moly, that is the best juiciest yummiest hot dog ever. You taste the sweet thick taste of the mayo. The mustard makes all the flavours agree with each other. Then the beautiful relish has such a unique flavour you can't say anything else. You feel so good when eat it. In the end when you finish you feel great.

Annabelle

10/17/2018 05:00:41 pm

Wow! The words that you put in your paragraph is so descriptive. Now I really want to eat a hotdog. See if you can find a mistake in the second sentence. In your sixth sentence, what do you think about? In your ninth sentence, I think you made a little mistake. See if you can find it! I think that I am starting to get hungry. Good Job!

Okay, thanks

10/17/2018 05:28:12 pm

okay, i will make the changes

Nathan

10/17/2018 05:40:41 pm

One of the most delicious meals to ever eat is a hot dog. Hot dogs come with a wiener and ONE hot dog bun. There are many types of wieners such as beef, turkey and chicken. There are also juicy mouthwatering toppings that go on it. You can really put anything on it. When you order you're hot dog you think about HOW GOOD ITLL BE and when you see the workers put it together your mouth waters so much and you can't control it. The smell is so good you want a hot dog SCEANT. The smell of the grilling food is so good. When you get your hot dog you can't even use any words to describe it so astonishing, and when you take a bite holy moly, YOU SAY TO YOURSELF "that is the best juiciest yummiest hot dog ever." You taste the sweet thick taste of the mayo. The mustard makes all the flavours agree with each other. Then the beautiful relish has such a unique flavour you can't say anything else. You feel so good when eat it. In the end when you finish you feel great.

V2

Nathan

10/17/2018 05:41:06 pm

the okay thanks guy was me i made a mistake

Annabelle

10/17/2018 04:49:49 pm

Second

jedd

10/17/2018 04:57:43 pm

3rd

jedd

10/17/2018 07:56:45 pm

Word: moving

I moved here 3 years ago from the Philippines. When I was in the Philippines I lived in an apartment and I was fine with what I had what it meant to me as a kid was special and I wouldn't trade it for anything else because it was where I lived when I was baby. Even though I left every summer to go back to Iloilo (the town not the city.) it was normal to me. It's pretty much a routine that you're used to doing and then out of nowhere you switch to something else and you're not ready for it that's what I felt but over time I got used to it this is now my new normal but I still don't like having to wait 3 years just to go back to the Philippines and seeing my cousins for 2 WEEKS!!! Only 2 WEEKS!!! That ain't enough time to visit it's always got a be at least 3 weeks if it's been 3 years I mean come on it has to be a bit longer if it's 3 years and now I've got a lot to talk about in 3 years. Now I just can't wait to go back to the Philippines and that's all I'am thinking about.

Annabelle

10/17/2018 10:01:48 pm

I can connect to your story. I was born in Hong Kong and I sometimes get to go back during school breaks. There I would visit my mom's side of the family and see my old friends. Your second, fourth, and sixth sentence seems to be run on sentences. See if you can turn your sentences in to at least three more sentences! If you want to, you can also add what makes you think of the Philippines or you can add something that is special in the Philippines that can not be found in Canada. Good job!

Mountain

10/17/2018 05:14:57 pm

P: PUBG (player's unknown battle grounds)

The year 2017 was the year first person shooter video games blossomed, especially games in the 'battle royale' category. For those who don't know (everyone should at least know PUBG or Fornite,) batter royale is when there are players start out with nothing then collects loot to 'kill' the other players and to be the last one standing or as some would say, winner winner chicken dinner! And no, despite popular belief, violent games like PUBG or Fornite does not or simply cannot influence someone to do acts of violence or harm. The sudden demand for these type of games in 2017 caused these games and a few others to become super popular amongst the youngsters, and yes I play PUBG myself.

I believe I got introduced to PUBG when I saw a YouTube video of this gamer who just started to learn how to play the game, or as some would call it a 'newbie.' However at that time the game was only available on PC and the game costs money therefore very few had access to PUBG. It wasn't until it was officially release on any mobile devices was when more people started playing PUBG. I think it was Justin or Ivan who introduced me to the game first and it became one of my favorite games. I started playing more and more and became more and more addicted to the game, however my 'self-integrity' holds me to do all my homework first before playing. But after that Fortnite saw how successful PUBG first and created their own free version of PUBG but more directed towards the younger ages. I know some might disagree with me on this, but simply in my opinion PUBG > Fortnite!

Nathan

10/17/2018 05:45:38 pm

Good job Mountain. I might start playing pub g now. In the 2 sentence in the first paragragh you made a mistake. I liked the self intergirity part as well. :)

Mountain

10/17/2018 05:53:22 pm

Thanks for the feedback Nathan!
Here’s the revised version:

The year 2017 was the year first person shooter video games blossomed, especially games in the 'battle royale' category. For those who don’t know, battle royale is when there are players start out with nothing then collects loot to 'kill' the other players and to be the last one standing or as some would say, winner winner chicken dinner! And no, despite popular belief, violent games like PUBG or Fornite does not or simply cannot influence someone to do acts of violence or harm. The sudden demand for these type of games in 2017 caused these games and a few others to become super popular amongst the youngsters, and yes I play PUBG myself.

I believe I got introduced to PUBG when I saw a YouTube video of this gamer who just started to learn how to play the game, or as some would call it a 'newbie.' However at that time the game was only available on PC and the game costs money therefore very few had access to PUBG. It wasn't until it was officially release on any mobile devices was when more people started playing PUBG. I think it was Justin or Ivan who introduced me to the game first and it became one of my favorite games. I started playing more and more and became more and more addicted to the game, however my 'self-integrity' holds me to do all my homework first before playing. But after that Fortnite saw how successful PUBG first and created their own free version of PUBG but more directed towards the younger ages. I know some might disagree with me on this, but simply in my opinion PUBG > Fortnite!

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10/17/2018 06:35:40 pm

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Lucas

10/17/2018 07:22:30 pm

Who is this, wait I know!
SPAM!!!!

Jorge

10/17/2018 05:46:00 pm

Traveling
One of my favorite and in some ocations non favorite activities is traveling because you might get excited to go or discover a new place or you'll have to leave a place you fell in love with. Traveling comes in three ways, you may travel by air, land or water. I prefer traveling by airplane because of the excitement when lift off landing and the views you get while flying, sometimes when take off I feel a bit dizzy but its normal. I travel very often to many different places like U.S.A, Mexico, French Polynesia and Canada. It is great to have the opportunity to travel to so many places and learn the culture and language from them.

Jorge

10/17/2018 05:50:01 pm

Correction

Traveling

One of my favorite and in some ocations non favorite activities is traveling because you might get excited to go or discover a new place or you'll have to leave a place you fell in love with. Traveling comes in three ways, you may travel by air, land or water. I prefer traveling by airplane because of the excitement when lift off ,landing and the views you get while flying. Sometimes when take off I feel a bit dizzy but its normal. I travel very often to many different places like U.S.A, Mexico, French Polynesia and Canada. It is great to have the opportunity to travel to so many places and learn the culture and language from them.

Mountain

10/17/2018 05:54:54 pm

Very good Jorge, but can you add a little bit more detail into your paragraph?

Jorge

10/17/2018 07:23:59 pm

Ok thanks

Jorge

10/17/2018 07:32:39 pm

Correction 2

Traveling

One of my favorite and in some ocations non favorite activities is traveling because you might get excited to go or discover a new place or you'll have to leave a place you fell in love with. Traveling comes in three ways, you may travel by air, land or water. I prefer traveling by airplane because of the excitement when lift off ,landing and the views you get while flying. Sometimes when take off I feel a bit dizzy but its because of the pressure (its normal). I travel very often to many different places like U.S.A, Mexico, French Polynesia and Canada and sometimes learn their culture and language from them like in Bora Bora people wear flowers behind their ear so if you are married the flower should be behind your left ear but if you are not you wear it on your right ear. .

Matthew

10/17/2018 06:03:22 pm

Back before our apartment was fumigated, we had a real big problem. I house overflowed with insects and bugs of all kind. It was pure torture just looking back at it. I think that our manager did bad job because he should've hired an exterminator in advance. The bugs ranged from small cylinder six-legged brown bugs to spiders that made webs behind the drawers. Every morning when I woke up, I would expect to see an insect roaming the inside and rim of the dry sink listlessly. The first few times I would call help and all the times after that I would just fling water at it. It would just die like that. Then my little brother was famous around the house by killing all the insects he saw under certain circumstances. He would grab a sandal and beat the single-minded insect with thought of violence and destruction between the smacks. It would usually die at the first or second one because the vigorously would smack it. After it died, the bloody corpse would remain on the shoe so we just scrap it off. This has been such a repetitive, disturbing habit until they were all fumigated. You know, I don't think that the bugs should die this way. I think that the only know is to eat, sleep and reproduce but I still think they should die. It's been a nice life without needing to stress about the insects of our apartment anymore.

Mattheew

10/17/2018 06:15:49 pm

Can I have some feedback?

Ester

10/17/2018 06:23:02 pm

You did the same small mistake as before. You should try to make you writing piece into multiple paragraphs so it would look like your thoughts are more organized. Overall though pretty good!

Sarah

10/17/2018 07:58:24 pm

You should add a title.

Len

10/17/2018 08:15:29 pm

Try putting your writing into separate paragraphs instead of one. In each paragraph should be a different idea.

Ester

10/17/2018 06:03:41 pm

Word: Cooking/baking

I always like to watch my mom cook or bake. She would make so many different treats and meals that I love. One time in Christmas we made peanut butter cookies. We had got all the ingredients and started to mix all of them up. It was hard to mix the batter, but it worked out fine at the end. The smell of the peanut butter was so yummy it made hungrier then I was before. The smell was like fresh air outside in the early morning. The first time we baked it got slightly burnt. The second batch was okay, but still needed some more help. For some of the burnt cookies we just tried to scrape of the black parts so it would be still edible. Then we made these cookies more and at the end we made them as perfect as we could. It was so chewy and delicious it was almost like eating at a 5 star restaurant.

Other than making sweet treats my mom liked to cook delicious meals. One day we decided to try something different. My mom decided to make spicy garlic squid. It was so good afterwards I wanted to eat more. All the spices went well together. It was like a perfect melody. Then we decided to make beef hamburgers. My mom prepared the beef and my sister made all of them into perfect small patties. Then. My mom stared to make the gravy. At the end the gravy was not that great and we actually had to throw away our first batch, but it wasn't that bad. The patties went great. I actually thought I ate too much. The juicy patties were to yummy to pass on. After all the cooking and baking we got the hang of it. We haven't made the patties and cookies in a awhile, but at least we know now how to make them properly.

Mountain

10/17/2018 06:09:45 pm

Very good Ester!
One small mistake though, please try to find the mistake in the first paragraph.

Ester

10/17/2018 06:21:05 pm

EDIT Word: Cooking/baking

I always like to watch my mom cook or bake. She would make so many different treats and meals that I love. One time in Christmas we made peanut butter cookies. We had got all the ingredients and started to mix all of them up. It was hard to mix the batter, but it worked out fine at the end. The smell of the peanut butter was so yummy it made ME hungrier then I was before. The smell was like fresh air outside in the early morning. The first time we baked it got slightly burnt. The second batch was okay, but still needed some more help. For some of the burnt cookies we just tried to scrape of the black parts so it would be still edible. Then we made these cookies more and at the end we made them as perfect as we could. It was so chewy and delicious it was almost like eating at a 5 star restaurant.

Other than making sweet treats my mom liked to cook delicious meals. One day we decided to try something different. My mom decided to make spicy garlic squid. It was so good afterwards I wanted to eat more. All the spices went well together. It was like a perfect melody. Then we decided to make beef hamburgers. My mom prepared the beef and my sister made all of them into perfect small patties. Then. My mom stared to make the gravy. At the end the gravy was not that great and we actually had to throw away our first batch, but it wasn't that bad. The patties went great. I actually thought I ate too much. The juicy patties were to yummy to pass on. After all the cooking and baking we got the hang of it. We haven't made the patties and cookies in a awhile, but at least we know now how to make them properly

Jafeth

10/17/2018 06:47:49 pm

moving to Canada

I was scared to move to Canada but happy to.I liked to go because the Netherlands is ferry small so I so everything all ready. But I was sad because I dislike saying good bye to friends or family.My best friend,grandma and grandpa went wive me to drop me of I was happy to see him all do I sa him in 5 A.M. I we went in the car by 6 A.M. it was a 1 and a 1/2 hour rid to the airplan stasion in Amsterdam we at bye the bugger king a whopper I did not know why we eat a bugger on 7 1/2 A.M.
but after that I had to sa good bye to my friend and my grandma and grandpa. And then I weet it to go in my air plan wive my father,me,Seth,Larah and my mom after we weet it we got in the air plan and we went up one of my favorite parts if I am in the airplan I
like if we go up because my body gets in the chair and my lest favorite part is going down because my ears stuck and it hurts
the end

-Jafeth

Jafeth

10/17/2018 06:49:04 pm

Can I have some feedback?

david

10/17/2018 06:53:47 pm

Good job Jafeth!

Next time, add some punctuations and capitals because it seems like your paragraph is just one very long run on sentence.

Try to make your sentences more interesting for others to read.

Lucas

10/17/2018 07:24:01 pm

Jafeth there is a lot of spelling mistakes and punctuation errors but I liked your writing.

Jafeth

10/18/2018 07:58:54 am

thank you Lucas and David

Jafeth

10/18/2018 08:16:30 am

EDIT moving to Canada

I was scared to move to Canada but happy to.I liked to go because the Netherlands is ferry small so I so everything all ready. But I was sad because I dislike saying good bye to friends or family!My best friend,grandma and grandpa went wive me to drop US of I was happy to see him all do I SEE him in 5 A.M. I we went in the car by 6 A.M. it was a 1 and a 1/2 hour rid to the AIRPORT in Amsterdam we at bye the bugger king a whopper I did not know why we eat a bugger on 7 1/2 A.M.
but after that I had to SAY good bye to my friend and my grandma and grandpa. And then I WAIT it to go in my AIRPLANE wive my father,me,Seth,Larah and my mom after we WAIT. It we got in the AIRPLANE and we went up one of my favorite parts if I am in the AIRPLANE I
like if we go up because my body gets in the chair and my lest favorite part is going down because my ears stuck and it hurts
the end

Kaden

10/18/2018 08:35:50 am

Nice Job Jafeth but i think you made a little mistake on the first and second paragraph,overall everything is okay.

David

10/17/2018 06:50:57 pm

I did some really strange things in my life, and only after I think, "what was I thinking?" However, this one memory was so weird that if you didn't see it happen, you wouldn't believe what I said.

Anyways, my team and I were having a rough game against BWC in the hockey match. They were obviously bigger and stronger, so we were getting pushed around a lot. After every single shift, I was getting madder and madder until one shift in the third period, a player on their time tripped me and I did a somersault all the way in mid air.

Then, I crashed, full speed into the boards, injuring myself further. I was so mad that my vision went red and I couldn't self regulate myself. I was screaming so loudly that even the parents on the stands could hear crystal clear what I said.

I wanted to pummel those jerks, but at that exact moment, I caught sight of the puck. I made a quick decision to grab it and barrel through everyone and burn of my anger. I grabbed the puck, and immediately sprinted down the ice toward the net.

However, something was severely wrong. Something was not right at all. I had braced by body from impact from the opponent team, and I expected to be bruised up along the way, but how come nobody was blocking me.

My mind shoved my doubts aside and instead focused on scoring a goal. I barreled down the ice and entered what's called the "danger zone". This is where you stand in front of gigantic defensemen and block their shots. Still nobody blocked me.

I began to slow down, but my mind told me to keep on going because this was the last chance I would get to take my revenge on the team. Soon, I entered the scrum zone, the place where the fiercest battles take place. I wound up for shot, and flipped the puck into the net. I had scored!

How come nobody was cheering along with me. Then I realized I had scored onto my own net. That night, I tallied up a staggering 5 points and awarded highest scorer for both teams. Three for their team and two for my team.

David

10/17/2018 08:54:11 pm

Forgot my ending

It was the only time when I didn’t want to stand up and get my trophy. I could still hear the chuckles and the laughs from the other team as I was yelled at for forty minutes from my coach.

Even now, my friends and my coaches still joke around and they one question that I could never really answer was “What were you thinking?” Even though I could lay all the facts straight, I could never actually figure out why I scored on my own net and how could I not notice the difference between their goalie and our goalie.

Sometimes, even now, I think to myself, wow! Did you actually do all of that? The answer is yes.

Jorge

10/17/2018 09:04:39 pm

Try to make bigger paragraphs

Joseph

10/17/2018 07:13:00 pm

U - Deleting Everything on my USB

I stared at the blank screen incredulously. With a sudden effort, I roused myself and went to the recycling bin. Nothing. All my files were gone, and I didn't even know what happened.

It all started innocently enough. I was working on a partner project with Justin about Hurricanes in the Netherlands, and we were almost done our PowerPoint, only having a few finishing touches to make. Plugging in my USB, I selected the Presentation and Justin and I started editing it. I noted that my files weren't organized. I would have to fix that later. It was fixed… but not in any way such as I expected.

After a good half an hour of work, we had just about got the PowerPoint finished, and we saved it and closed up the presentation. There was no point doing anything else, as our work time would be finished soon. Suddenly I brightened. I could use the little time remaining to organize my files! I made some new folders, renamed some files… now it was time to delete some of those irrelevant files I had been keeping for so long.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion. I pressed on the delete button… or so I thought. I blinked my eyes. Then wiped them. It wasn't a dream…. Everything was gone! What was once an almost-full USB was now a pristine and empty one. It couldn't be. I sat in horror for a few seconds, transfixed. With some sudden effort, I roused myself. I checked the Recycling Bin. But nothing was there! I called over Ms. Ko, my teacher at the time. "Why were you even deleting things anyway?" she said, exasperated. "Check the Recycling Bin." "But I did!" I said! "Check again." said Ms. Ko. I did… still, nothing appeared. "If it's gone, it's gone. I take it you have a backup?" Ms. Ko responded, breaking through my fog.

We did have a backup, but it was an early version. Still, we could make do. But I was quite frustrated, and sad (all my work of that year, even though I didn't need to use it now, was gone!) after that event. In hindsight, I probably cut the entirety of my USB. This seems as the only conclusion possible, as it wasn't in the USB, but if I didn't paste it back, it was indeed deleted.

I learned several things from this event. First, keep on track. Be careful when you are deleting things, or even just moving items around. Keep a cool head if something happens that is out of order. Nine times out of ten, there is an explanation. Lastly, keep a backup. I am happy to say that I have kept that in my head for the last three years, and always keep a current backup of whatever project I am working on, and all documents related to it. But imagine finding all of your files deleted and you had no idea why!

-Joseph

Kheyria

10/17/2018 08:26:32 pm

I know how you feel Joseph! Your paragraphs were detailed in a way that could lead me to believe I knew how you felt even though the same thing has never happened to me. That's some very powerful writing!
Try not to use the same word in one sentence or paragraph like you might see in sentence 1, paragraph 3 of your writing. Great work though!

Lucas

10/17/2018 07:34:04 pm

Ketchikan, Alaska

I got off of our Disney cruise in Ketchikan, Alaska. My dad and I got on a bus to a place that had bears. We got to an elevated walkway and we looked down, there were big, furry brown bears. I saw a bear climbing a tree, we called it Air Bear. It was up on the tree for a while so we were worried that it might fall down. We were watching bears for hours so we decided to leave and went back to our cruise. I had eaten no lunch that day so when I got back on the cruise I got some chicken strips. Five minutes after I finished my dad called me and said, "Lucas time for dinner, meet me at the main dining room"! Well I did not realise that I was eating lunch at 5:00 in the afternoon. I went to the main dining room stuffed so I ate no dinner, but since the food was all included, I had 2 desserts.

Sophie

10/17/2018 07:46:05 pm

Nice job Lucas.

I would say you should add your own thoughts. Right now you're just talking about what happened, so I think adding what you thought of your trip would be nice. For example, your favourite thing that happen their, your opinion on Alaska, etc.

Lucas

10/17/2018 07:53:05 pm

Okiee

Lucas

10/17/2018 08:05:24 pm

I was actually only writing about Ketchikan, Alaska. Not my whole trip

Sophie

10/17/2018 07:42:16 pm

jump-scares--

Loud noises have always scared me. I'm a very jumpy person, and is very easy to jump. What's even worse, is that sometimes I even expect the scare. Like this one time, I was "late" to school and I saw my friends inside. I started walking over there, and I opened the door. Immediately one of them screamed and I got scared. The worst part was I saw them through the window. I knew that they were gonna try to scare me. I don't know why I'm like this. I guess I just hate unexpected loud noises. It's like everything's fine and peaceful, then suddenly someone screams. I just don't like it.

Another part where jump-scares happen a lot (besides haunted houses, but I've never been in one) are videos. Sometimes I would be watching YouTube videos and suddenly they would add a jump-scare. When I was watching this one video, suddenly there was a random jump-scare; with noise-and I dropped my phone. Sometimes people wouldn't even try to scare me, and just do by accident. Imagine this, you were walking down the hallway, about to make a turn outside. As you do, someone running down the stairs just comes out of the corner of no where, and scares you, unintentionally. That's happened to me a few times actually.

Vivian

10/17/2018 07:59:24 pm

Add a conclusion, tell people to not scare you :)))))))

Sophie

10/18/2018 02:45:15 pm

Loud noises have always scared me. I'm a very jumpy person, and is very easy to jump. What's even worse, is that sometimes I even expect the scare. Like this one time, I was "late" to school and I saw my friends inside. I started walking over there, and I opened the door. Immediately one of them screamed and I got scared. The worst part was I saw them through the window. I knew that they were gonna try to scare me. I don't know why I'm like this. I guess I just hate unexpected loud noises. It's like everything's fine and peaceful, then suddenly someone screams. I just don't like it.

Another part where jump-scares happen a lot (besides haunted houses, but I've never been in one) are videos. Sometimes I would be watching YouTube videos and suddenly they would add a jump-scare. When I was watching this one video, suddenly there was a random jump-scare; with noise-and I dropped my phone. Sometimes people wouldn't even try to scare me, and just do by accident. Imagine this, you were walking down the hallway, about to make a turn outside. As you do, someone running down the stairs just comes out of the corner of no where, and scares you, unintentionally. That's happened to me a few times actually.

So yeah, I'm a jumpy person. I get scared easily, and people scare me easily, and yeah. I've always get scared easily and I just gotta deal with it. Yeah, sometimes it's annoying when people just decide to jumpscare you. Even today, when I was putting the coat on my collage. Someone just said "boo!" and I was scared. Just gottta deal with it until I grow out of it. (IF I grow out of it)

Vivian

10/17/2018 07:56:38 pm

Running
I love running, because it helps your heart bump faster. And also it’s of course good for your body.

When I was in grade 1 I used to run 2-3 lapse in the Churchill track. But I stopped at around grade 3 because I became really busy with school. I was studying and stuff and didn’t have time to run anymore.

BUT! There was something called “Track and Field”. I asked a couple of my friends what it is and they said it’s about running. And I was like “I NEED TO JOINNNNNNN!!!!!” So I joined, I went to the practices and mini meets. It was really fun. I got to meet new people from other schools too. I was really bad at high jump. Because I never learned how to, I have troubles lifting my legs.

Lucas

10/17/2018 08:06:52 pm

Umm, why is your first paragraph only two sentences long. And I have spotted some minor spelling and punctuation mistakes.

Vivian

10/18/2018 09:48:14 am

Thanks for the feedback, I will change it!:)))))))))))))))

Kheyria

10/17/2018 08:17:36 pm

Letter B: Beach Crabs

I remember that time at the beach, the vibrant yellow sun reflecting off the deep blue ocean, blinding me as I waded through the waters. It was two summers ago, that time I opened myself up to trying something new, something adventurous. I was with my brothers, Abdul and Zakariya, and my grandma had come to visit from sunny California. She had brought my aunt with her, who was only one year older than I was. Sometimes I didn't act like she was my aunt, but more of a family friend.

It was quite a hot and sunny day as it always is during summer time, so we had decided to go to the beach. We went to Kitsilano Beach but it was so crowded,

we couldn't find a parking space five blocks away. Instead, we ended up going to Spanish Bay, which was peacefully still, but half as crowded as Kitsilano Beach.

We were meeting up with some of my cousins and family friends who live in Greater Vancouver. When we met up, we set down a sky blue plastic tarp, took out the grill, and opened up all our food and coolers. That was the cue for all the children, big or small, to go out and play until the food was ready. A group made up of my cousins and I went out to go wade in the chilly water to escape from the
excruciating heat.

Just after cooling off, we started playing in the sand. We tried to make sand castles with no material other than water and our hands. Then it got tedious and one of my older cousins had an idea. "What if we started looking for baby crabs?" She had said. I hadn't even known there were crabs on these beaches, that was, until we commenced our venturous search.

We peered under every still, natural object there was. We even dug into the sand.

Then I found a huge rock, as wide as half my arm span, and asked another one of my all-knowing cousins if the crabs might be under there. The following answer was 'yes' so she helped me roll the rock onto one side. As soon as we turned over the massive stone, hundreds of little, mini baby crabs desperately tried to crawl to the nearest rock as fast as possible, scattering from their narrow home. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" We all screamed. I let go of the rock and ran farther than everyone else around us, the only person still standing there, gripping the rock with such vagrancy that I had to run back and help her hold it up even as the crabs spread out all around the rock, was my cousin.

At that moment I felt the fear inside of me disperse as my cousin informed me that these baby crabs were completely harmless, they just looked alarming. We then flipped the rock over onto our failed attempts to make sand castles and closely observed these small as well as mighty tiny creatures. Without hesitation, she bravely picked one up and let it crawl on her misguiding hand.

She had me scared there for a second, putting a crab on her hand like it was something, waiting to happen, in everyday life. I got over it as soon as I caught the expression on her face, smiling and laughing, as the crab crawled on her bare arm, tickling her in retreat.

That was the moment I mustered up the courage to do the same as she once did.
I glanced at the crabs nervously while they sought out refuge in the cool shade of the turned over rock. I anxiously leaned in to pick one up, closer and closer. "I can't do it!" I yelped after struggling to imagine myself picking up a tiny crab.

"I'll do it for you", My cousin had volunteered. She slowly guided the baby crab onto my hand, and I immediately felt a tingle up my spine.

The tiny critter that had invaded my palm started to wriggle uncomfortably and tried its best to escape from the soft flesh of my hand. I laughed and giggled just as my cousin had when that same crab had tickled her the way it was tickling me. It made me feel a sort of happiness that I was brave enough to put a 'spider of the sea' on my skin and let it roam upon my hand. I then set the crab down next to its brethren under the cool shade of the rock we had flipped over to find this bodily creature in the first place and ran back to our picnic area where they were finally serving Bar B-Q hotdogs, burgers, chicken legs, chicken breasts, and steak.
We really go all-out when we have a big family gathering, that, or we love to eat. Probably that last one.

So that was that time I was at the beach, the vibrant yellow sun reflecting of the dark blue ocean, blinding me. That was the day I opened up myself up into trying something new, something adventurous. That was the day I held a baby crab for the first and last time. So far.

Jorge

10/17/2018 09:06:17 pm

Wow
Those are a lot of paragraphs

Len

10/17/2018 08:37:21 pm

My Mom

My mom is very kind hearted, and she has done so much to raise me and I appreciate it a lot.

My mom is all ways there for me. When I’m hurt, she’s there, when I’m lost, she’s there, when I’m sad she’s there. Bottom line is that she is caring and is always willing to help me. When I cut my finger, she helped stop the blood and did the best she could to make me feel better. When she helps me, it makes me feel like everything is going to be okay and it makes me feel safe.

Once when I was sad, she cheered me up by making me a hot cocoa and told me funny stories and jokes to make me feel happy again. When she looks after me, I feel like no one can hurt me, it's like a force field that’s always protecting me no matter what. My mom is caring, kind, generous and warm hearted and she will always be by my side even if she is far away I’ll never forget her.

Krizia

10/17/2018 09:01:28 pm

Nice job Len! You were great at adding on details to your writing. There was a part in your writing where you put (all ways) the correct spelling would be (always). Other than that your writing was really good, it showed strong feelings.

Krizia

10/17/2018 08:53:48 pm

Car accident

It was the year of 2016, June 26. We decided to go on a trip to Alberta. It was my mom, stepdad, brother and I who were going. Our parents woke us up at three in the morning to start getting ready. We wanted to leave early because it would be a long drive there. We got into the car, it was still dark outside. Because it was three in the morning I was still very tired. There was nothing much to do in the car, so I just decided to sleep. I would wake up a few times finding everything perfectly normal, then going back to sleep. We were about three hours into the drive and I was still asleep. But little did I know, I was soon going to be awake, and not in the best way.

I woke up to the feel of a sudden stop. I had no idea what was happening. Confused, I looked over at my brother, who was also wide awake. I felt scared. I peeked at the front window, not seeing anything. My stepdad suddenly got out and went to the front of the car. We all watched as he angrily shot his hands up in the air. I had to know what was happening. I asked my mom, and she told me that we had just hit a deer. My jaw dropped in shock. Her words repeated in my mind. My brother was just as shocked as I was. I wanted to get out of the car so bad. I wanted to see what happened. But I couldn’t, I wasn’t allowed to. We ended up calling for help. They came and helped us out. Then I started to get worried. Were we still able to go to Alberta? Would we have to go back and cancel this whole trip?

You see, we left a day before the last day of school. I was a little disappointed that I had to miss the last day, saying that there was fun activities being held on that day. But I was also excited that we were going on vacation. When I found out that we might have to go back due to the accident I had mixed feelings. I felt sad that we would have to cancel our vacation, but also a little excited that I would be there for the last day. After a long wait of our car being repaired, we luckily found out that we could still go on our trip. A big wave of relief washed over me. It was definitely a scary experience for me.

Nathan

10/17/2018 09:09:23 pm

Good explaining Krizia. That must've been scary. You used descriptive words and made me picture everything in my mind. One thing that you could add is what you thought had happened and why you thought that happened. It was really clear and descriptive. :)

Krizia

10/21/2018 04:30:07 pm

Thanks for giving me feedback!

Car accident

It was the year of 2016, June 26. We decided to go on a trip to Alberta. It was my mom, stepdad, brother and I who were going. Our parents woke us up at three in the morning to start getting ready. We wanted to leave early because it would be a long drive there. We got into the car, it was still dark outside. Because it was three in the morning I was still very tired. There was nothing to do much in the car, so I just decided to sleep. I would wake up a few times finding everything perfectly normal, then going back to sleep. We were about three hours into the drive and I was still asleep. But little did I know, I was soon going to be awake, and not in the best way.

I woke up to the feel of a sudden stop and loud scream. I had no idea what was happening. Confused, I looked over at my brother, who was also wide awake. I started wondering if the brakes were just slammed roughly. Or maybe we hit something... It did feel like we had actually bumped into something. But I didn’t think that could be possible. I felt scared. I peeked at the front window, not seeing anything. My stepdad suddenly got out and went to the front of the car. We all watched as he angrily shot his hands up in the air. I had to know what was happening. I asked my mom, and she told me that we had just hit a deer. My jaw dropped. Her words repeated in my mind. My brother was just as shocked as I was. I wanted to get out of the car so bad. I wanted to see what happened. But I couldn’t, I wasn’t allowed to. We ended up calling for help. They came and helped us out. My face turned into a frown. Were we still able to go to Alberta? Would we have to go back and cancel this whole trip?

You see, we left a day before the last day of school. I was a little disappointed that I had to miss the last day, saying that there was even fun activities being held on that day. But I was also excited that we were going on vacation. When I found out that we might have to go back due to the accident I had mixed feelings. I felt sad that we would have to cancel our vacation, but also a little excited that I would be there for the last day. After a long wait of our car being repaired, we luckily found out that we could still go on our trip. A big wave of relief washed over me.

Kaden

10/17/2018 09:10:53 pm

soccer

I've played soccer for a long time. My dad was the coach for soccer and my dad usually bring us to trillium and oak park to practice for our game. when i went to the game my dad putted me in the game and my teammates parents were calling me " FLASH ". After that my dad called me to come out and he was about to tell me what I should do when i am on the field playing midfielder.

Jafeth

10/18/2018 08:20:24 am

Kaden good job

next time try to make you paragraph longer

Owen

10/17/2018 09:26:09 pm

Christmas!!!!!

The first thing that came up to my mind for Christmas was Turkey, The meat......The taste.....the sauce...... and even the potato.
But why i would i choose this? because it was good? Nah, is because i have an experiences about turkey lets go back to when i first came to Canada.
At that time it was Christmas, the most places we had been was T&T, Yap the have almost all the Chinese snack and food over there. and i said to my mom" Mom why don't we try to make a Christmas Turkey" "sure".
and than i looked up what we need for a Turkey, But is too hard to do that much things, so we are only gonna do potato, Turkey and some vegetable, so yap, we went to T&T again, we got a huge Turkey and 5 huge potato and some milk.
we first did a BBQ sauce bath for the Turkey, and than we did a nice massage for the Turkey, and is time for some potato's, and i kinda got board and i am watching youtube while my mom's doing it, "oh we need some plate's, Owen watch the Turkey while i am going out for some plates. and remember to turn off the the oven 1h later!", sure..." i said while my moth is full of cheetos.
and i got board watching youtube, time for some games 1h later my brother woke up and ask" wow it smell so good what that?" "is the Turkey that i made" "you?' made a Turkey wow i am looking forward to your Turkey.
2h later i smell something that's burning? oh no...... " Save the Turkey" i turn off the oven take the Turkey out, and it look like it has chocolate on it, super super black and i cut a slice of Turkey and taste it...... that taste i can't even explain it, is so disgusting and i pull out my chocolate cream, started paint on it, and than for the potato i painted some peanut butter on.
My mom came back right after i did everything, and she started prepare for dinner, and she get the chicken out....... oh my god, a chocolate Turkey? she got in to the red zoone right away and stared saying that i should not play games some stuff and i can feel that my mom was in bright bright red zoone, after that, she looked at the potato which i painted some peanut butter on it, but she was like at least the potato looks great, and she put a potato in her moth,... at that moment i know i mess everything up.
We ended sitting at McDonald's eating "Turkey" Burger.

Owen

10/17/2018 09:28:17 pm

Good night!!!!!!!!!

Annabelle

10/17/2018 09:47:34 pm

Owen, your paragraph is so funny! I really like your sense of humour.
I think that you should capitalize your I's and put some space between your paragraphs. I really liked how you used the red zone to show that your mom was angry! Super Funny!

Annabelle

10/17/2018 09:42:23 pm

Horses-
There is an animal that I am thinking of. It is very strong, very graceful, has four legs, and is very important to humans. Can you guess what it is? It is not a unicorn, it is a HORSE. I really like horses because they just capture my attention. They fit in to the strong, graceful and important to human categories.

You might think that horses are not strong, but that is not true. Did you know that some breeds of horses can pull up to three times their weight?! Horses are very powerful indeed! Long time ago, knights rode into battle using powerful horses. Armor worn by horses were very heavy so the horses needed to be strong. A horse used for battle is very powerful, it needs to carry its suit of armor, a full grown man, and a suit of armor!

Being graceful or strong are two amazing things, but doing both is incredible! When I think of horses, the first thing I think about is gracefulness. Think of a mighty horse that is galloping in the wild. Its hooves scooping dirt from the ground and in the air like a shovel. The ground shaking as the animal travels by. The sound of the hooves touching the ground filled the air. That is what I call graceful!

Horses were also used for transportation. At this point of time, you might think that cars are how we go from one place to the other. In the olden times, there was no such thing as a car. That is when horses came to the rescue. We needed something that was capable of carrying the load of people and that was faster than walking. Then I guess the people chose the horse because of its strength and speed. People rode on horses and put carriages on the horses so that it would increase the capacity of people that could share the transportation.

Horses are one of my favourite animals. They are so majestic! I cannot describe how I feel about them. I also really want to go horseback riding one day. I am just imagining the muscles on the horse moving front and back, front and back. I do not think that I have gone on a horse before, I only wished to. I think that horses are just amazing animals that have been proven very useful to humans.

Tom

10/17/2018 11:14:53 pm

Annabelle I think you did a good job but at the end of paragraph 2 you wrote carry it’s suit of armour and then you wrote and a suit of armour.

Annabelle

10/18/2018 09:52:29 am

Thanks Tom for the feedback!
Horses-
There is an animal that I am thinking of. It is very strong, very graceful, has four legs, and is very important to humans. Can you guess what it is? It is not a unicorn, it is a HORSE. I really like horses because they just capture my attention. They fit in to the strong, graceful and important to human categories.

You might think that horses are not strong, but that is not true. Did you know that some breeds of horses can pull up to three times their weight?! Horses are very powerful indeed! Long time ago, knights rode into battle using powerful horses. Armor worn by horses were very heavy so the horses needed to be strong. A horse used for battle NEEDS TO BE very powerful, BECAUSE it needs to carry its suit of armor, a full grown man, and THE suit of armor THE KNIGHT IS WEARING!

Being graceful or strong are two amazing things, but doing both is incredible! When I think of horses, the first thing I think about is gracefulness. Think of a mighty horse that is galloping in the wild. Its hooves scooping dirt from the ground and in the air like a shovel. The ground SHOOK as the animal travels by. The sound of the hooves DRUMMING the ground filled the air. That is what I call graceful!

Horses were also used for transportation. At this point of time, you might think that cars are how we go from one place to the other. In the olden times, there was no such thing as a car. That is when horses came to the rescue. We needed something that was capable of carrying the load of people and that was faster than walking. Then I guess the people chose the horse because of its strength and speed. People rode on horses and put carriages on the horses so that it would increase the capacity of people that could share the transportation.

Horses are one of my favourite animals. They are so majestic! I cannot describe how I feel about them. I also really want to go horseback riding one day. I am just imagining the muscles on the horse moving front and back, front and back. I do not think that I have gone on a horse before, I only wished to. I think that horses are just amazing animals that have been proven very useful to humans.

Ivan

10/17/2018 10:20:36 pm

Calliou:

What was your favourite tv show growing up? Mines was Calliou and I'll show you why. Calliou was my favourite show growing up because it was easy and simple to understand the tv series as a 4 or 5 year old. Having a show that I really liked kept me from always going bored at the time since I didn’t have access to technology. Calliou is a tv show that I used to watch all day, but however I am unable to find Calliou on tv any more. ): I don’t really remember how I even found out the show Calliou but one day I did and I instantly though that, that show was amazing. I wish one day that I can find that show and rematch some of the episodes, because it would be cool to see what I was watching at the age of 4-5.

Calliou lives with his mom, dad, his little sister Rosie, and his pet cat gilbert .Calliou is a 4 year old who is struggling to meet new friends ,going to schools , and trying to solve a lot of the problems himself. like a 4 year old child would be goes to school and meets some friends like clementine,( that’s all I could think of lol). The tv series is about Calliou learning important things like sharing ,appreciating and helping others. I think Calliou was so popular because it was a simple tv show but yet still educational for kids. As the show goes on Calliou starts to learn different and new things that he never would of even though of like in one episode he helped out his other friend when (he or she forgot the person) fell down somewhere. He got to become more mature as he grew but yet he still had no hair.

Calliou:

What was your favourite tv show growing up? Mines was Calliou and I'll show you why. Calliou was my favourite show growing up because it was easy and simple to understand the tv series as a 4 or 5 year old. Having a show that I really liked kept me from always going bored at the time since I didn’t have access to technology. Calliou is a tv show that I used to watch all day, but however I am unable to find Calliou on tv any more. ): I don’t really remember how I even found out the show Calliou but one day I did and I instantly though that, that show was amazing. I wish one day that I can find that show and rematch some of the episodes, because it would be cool to see what I was watching at the age of 4-5.

Calliou lives with his mom, dad, his little sister Rosie, and his pet cat gilbert .Calliou is a 4 year old who is struggling to meet new friends ,going to schools , and trying to solve a lot of the problems himself. like a 4 year old child would be goes to school and meets some friends like clementine,( that’s all I could think of lol). The tv series is about Calliou learning important things like sharing ,appreciating and helping others. I think Calliou was so popular because it was a simple tv show but yet still educational for kids. As the show goes on Calliou starts to learn different and new things that he never would of even though of like in one episode he helped out his other friend when (he or she forgot the person) fell down somewhere. He got to become more mature as he grew but yet he still had no hair.

Calliou:

What was your favourite tv show growing up? Mines was Calliou and I'll show you why. Calliou was my favourite show growing up because it was easy and simple to understand the tv series as a 4 or 5 year old. Having a show that I really liked kept me from always going bored at the time since I didn’t have access to technology. Calliou is a tv show that I used to watch all day, but however I am unable to find Calliou on tv any more. ): I don’t really remember how I even found out the show Calliou but one day I did and I instantly though that, that show was amazing. I wish one day that I can find that show and rematch some of the episodes, because it would be cool to see what I was watching at the age of 4-5.

Calliou lives with his mom, dad, his little sister Rosie, and his pet cat gilbert .Calliou is a 4 year old who is struggling to meet new friends ,going to schools , and trying to solve a lot of the problems himself. like a 4 year old child would be goes to school and meets some friends like clementine,( that’s all I could think of lol). The tv series is about Calliou learning important things like sharing ,appreciating and helping others. I think Calliou was so popular because it was a simple tv show but yet still educational for kids. As the show goes on Calliou starts to learn different and new things that he never would of even though of like in one episode he helped out his other friend when (he or she forgot the person) fell down somewhere. He got to become more mature as he grew but yet he still had no hair.

Ivan

10/17/2018 10:22:22 pm

ummmm sorry @mr.fisher i dont really know what happened. i think i accidentaly clicked copy and paste 3 times. sorry for the inconvenience

Joseph

10/18/2018 08:29:52 am

XD
Pretty long story you got there, bit repetitive though LOL!

On a more serious note, you've used commas incorrectly, <- you use them like that ,<- not like that , <- and not like that. Don't use emotes or slang in writing, it makes it seem unprofessional.

But good job overall!

Tom

10/17/2018 11:06:43 pm

Airplanes
I like airplanes because you can almost go anywhere by airplanes. My first time on an airplane was when I was 6, in 2012 October. Before I went on the plane, I thought the plane was going to fall down and crash.

There’s always one thing that I’m always thinking when I go on an airplane (The airplane is going to crash). A few years ago I used to always puke like 3 times when I get on airplanes especially really long ones. My favourite trip was from Phoenix to Honolulu, but the sad thing is that I only went there for like 4 days.

What I hate about going on an airplane is how you have to check everything and it takes so long. It makes me really tired having to carry the stuff and stand up for like 30 minutes, and my back gets all sour. Whenever I watch a plane crash video, it just makes it so that I don’t want to go on an airplane anymore.

Jessica

10/18/2018 09:50:31 am

Good job Tom.
Be sure to double check your grammar and word tenses. Maybe add more descriptive words. On how you felt, what you were thinking, etc.
I also think that you can put a more catchy intro. A hook, something that makes me want to keep reading. But great job.

Tom

10/18/2018 10:12:33 am

Airplanes
I like airplanes because you can almost go anywhere by airplanes. My first time on an airplane was when I was 6, in 2012 October. Before I went on the plane, I thought the plane was going to fall down and crash.

There’s always one thing that I’m always thinking when I go on an airplane (The airplane is going to crash). A few years ago I used to always puke like 3 times. It felt so bad, it's like I just want to get off the plane. especially really long ones. My favourite trip was from Phoenix to Honolulu, but the sad thing is that I only went there for like 4 days.

What I hate about going on an airplane is how you have to check everything and it takes so long. It makes me really tired having to carry the stuff and stand up for like 30 minutes, and my back gets all sour. It takes so long that I feel like I'm going to miss the plane. Whenever I watch a plane crash video, it just makes it so that I don’t want to go on an airplane anymore. There's videos of an Airbus A380 sideways, hitting a building, and this airplane crashing into a bridge.

Tom

10/18/2018 10:52:06 am

Oops sorry I didn't see your post

Jessica

10/18/2018 08:17:14 am

Last year, I entered a small grant project with my proposal “Let's Zumba". My goal was to bring people together in the neighborhood and dance together. To meet new people, have fun, and dance. I was pretty nervous. I didn’t know if my proposal was enough for them to give me the grant. When they emailed me, my heartbeat quickened. I had gotten the grant! The planning started. Making posters that were eye catching, buying the snacks for the event, and inviting a dance coach to coach Zumba. Then, came the final day, the day of the event. I was very excited. At first, when no one showed up, my palms started getting sweaty, "What was I going to do?", I thought. Couple minutes passed and people started filing through the door, I relaxed. The event was a blast! People were getting to know each other, enjoying the healthy snacks, and dancing! When it was all over, after I thanked the guest for coming, thanked the Zumba coach for her hard work, I just stood there. In the middle of the hall. And smiled. I had organized my own event. Everything went as I planned. It was perfect.

Ester

10/18/2018 10:03:33 am

I think you should add more specific information like who did you exactly meet or what kind of dances did you do?. Also try to make multiple paragraphs then as to just one. Other than that's pretty good writing Jessica!

Sarah

10/18/2018 09:45:27 am

The Sledding Adventure

The last time I went sledding I had a lot of fun. Last winter I went sledding with sister and my best friend at Queen Elizabeth park. When we got there we found a nice hill, took our sleds up the hill and went down. The hill was massive, it took about five minutes to get back up to the top from the bottom. Snow is rare in Vancouver so we saw a lot of kids using anything they could find as a sled. I saw kids using cardboard, garbage bags - I even saw a kid on a cookie sheet. If you thought that was strange there was even a kid who was sledding on a kayak. To get himself down the hill he would run as fast as he could and jump into his kayak shouting weeeeeeeeeeee as he went. He would then lug the thing back up the hill. Each time he went he got faster. The last time he went he shot down the hill, going faster and faster, but no matter what he did he couldn’t stop. He ended up sledding right into the a pond. The force of his kayak broke the layer of ice on the pond sending him crashing into ice water. It was a strange and amazing thing to watch. I think we went sledding every other day that winter break, but we never saw anything as fun as a kayak on the hill again. We had a lot of fun that winter sledding, I wonder if I’ll ever see anyone sledding on kayak ever agin.

Jessica

10/18/2018 09:56:16 am

Great job Sarah.
I really liked how you ended your paragraph with a question/wonder. You should check over your punctuations("weeee"). I personally think that you should add a more catchy intro, but that's my opinion.
Overall great!

Vivian

10/18/2018 09:51:55 am

Running
I love running, because it helps your heart bump faster. And also it’s of course good for your body. It also helps increase your cardiovascular endurance.

When I was in grade 1, I used to run 2-3 lapse in the Churchill track. But I stopped at around grade 3 because I became really busy with school. I was studying and stuff and didn’t have time to run anymore.

BUT! There was something called “Track and Field”. I asked a couple of my friends what it is and they said it’s about running. And I was like “I NEED TO JOINNNNNNN!!!!!” So I joined, I went to the practices and mini meets. It was really fun. I got to meet new people from other schools too. I was really bad at high jump. Because I never learned how to, I have troubles lifting my legs.

Ivan

10/18/2018 02:49:58 pm

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